an explanation of absence

So the boy and I broke up. That should somewhat explain why I have been a bad blogger lately. But before you offer your condolences, I would like to let you know that I am not in need of them. It was bound to happen eventually. Actually, we probably should have never gotten back together at all now that I really think about it. But we did. And now we're done. For good.

My good sense finally hit me... well a combination of my good sense and one other thing. I'll start with good sense. Having someone treat you like gold, having a good time with that person, being able to talk to that person and tell them anything....all these items are important qualities for me to find in a partner. But they don't mean squat if you don't have romantic love for that person. I'm not unrealistic, so I'm not expecting to feel that all the time. But yeah, I need to feel that at least some of the time. Any of the time for that matter. Without that, you're just with a friend. Up until not that long ago, I thought I had that romance. But after getting a reality check, I realized that oh my gosh I DON'T HAVE IT! At least not with him...

Anyway, I'm actually very happy. Very very happy. Weird? Probably, especially because it wasn't like he was a terrible guy or anything. He is very sweet; some lady is going to really luck out with him. It's just not going to be me, as furious as he is right now. Furious or not, I'm no longer going to

So what else hit me? And why am I happy? It's "it." I'm calling it "it" because I have no idea how else to label this bizarro feeling the seems to have taken over my body the last few weeks. I've never felt this way in my entire life. Really. Seriously. It's like I have butterflies that are kickboxing in my stomach and simultaneously making my chest feel all warm and fuzzy just about 24 hours a day. I walk around with this goofy ridiculous smile on my face. I want to cry because I feel so happy, because I've never felt this happy in my whole.entire.life.no.lie.

And all these weird things keep happening to me! Like very very weird coincidences... I'm not going to explain for the sake of me not trying to be totally nuts. I'll just say I've never been one that saw "signs." But it's been happening. A lot. To scary proportions.

Has this ever happened to anyone else??? Am I losing it???

I've never been this way. It's like some foreign being has taken over me. I've been happy before, but not HAPPY.

Yeah, definitely think I've lost it (especially since I'm posting this to the internet).